Weddings might be steeped in tradition, but increasingly there’s room to do your own thing. From dress code to decorum and every detail in between, Vogue’s Wedding Editor, Alex Macon, is here to consult the experts on your most pressing matrimonial worries and wonderings. DM us your questions on the Vogue Weddings Instagram.
Dear Alex,
I need your advice. My boyfriend and I are in the throes of the “all my friends are getting married” years, and I am exhausted—from figuring out what I’m going to wear, to price-comparing hotels and figuring out what gift we’re going to give the newlyweds, I feel like I have a second job. After I’ve dealt with all of the logistics, the last thing I want to think about is what he is going to wear. So why the black tie optional?! Can you please help us crack this code—if you don’t wear a tux to a “black tie optional” event are you a total shmo? And if you do, are you considered hoity toity? Why must we be given the option—as a guest, just tell me what you want!
Sincerely, Dress Code Dilemma in Denver
Dear Dress Code Dilemma,
Wedding fashion directives run the gamut these days. We’ve seen everything from “beach formal” and “country chic” to “rock ’n’ roll black tie” and “pure white” (which, in case you were wondering, is essentially a “white party,” like the kind Diddy used to throw, with absolutely no beige or ecru). Many of these dress codes are downright perplexing. One bride admits, “My mountain chic dress code was so polarizing. Some people love it and can’t wait to shop for it—they’re so excited about pulling together something on theme, and others are like, ‘You’re tormenting me!’” Stylist and cofounder of The Bridesmaid Studio Cat Pope cites Facebook co-founder Sean Parker and Alexandra Lena’s wedding as the one with the most fantastical dress code. “They had Lord of the Rings-style costumes professionally made for all of their 364 guests to fit with their forest theme,” she says. “It looked spectacular!”
Provided cosplay aside, nothing poses a getting-ready quandary quite like “black tie optional.” It’s vague and can result in guests wearing a hodgepodge of looks that are all over the map when it comes to levels of formality.
“You should ask your guests to dress for the occasion,” stylist Micaela Erlanger says. “That means setting a dress code that is appropriate for the venue, design, and time of day of the wedding.”
I once attended a friend’s beachside wedding in Charleston, South Carolina, with no dress code listed on an invitation that called for a 6:00 p.m. start time. In a traditional city like Charleston, a 6:00 p.m. start for a wedding usually indicates black-tie. But the bride’s ex-boyfriend (they remained friends after breaking up in high school) showed up with a tux on and spent the whole night looking like a cater-waiter because every other guy at the party was in seersucker and poplin suits. Needless to say, getting the dress code wrong at a wedding can really make you stand out—and not in a good way.
“I always call ‘black tie optional’ the passive aggressive dress code,” celebrity wedding planner Marcy Blum admits. “If you want people to wear a tux, tell them to do so! I think the men who wear tuxes to a ‘black tie optional’ wedding feel dumb, but the men not wearing them also feel like they probably should have. It also signals to women that your wedding is not so fancy.”
Wedding stylist Cynthia Smith is also anti “optional” anything when it comes to the dress code. “Guests want to be directed—the less confusion the better,” she explains. “In my opinion, the actual word ‘optional’ takes away from the beauty of the invitation.” Instead, Smith encourages couples to say things like “festive formal” or “bohemian black tie” for a more spirited or relaxed approach to dressing for the wedding (i.e. the men can wear a pair of velvet slippers or no socks rather than a more formal Oxford. Women might opt for a long flowing chiffon dress or beautifully printed tea length cocktail dress. “For a stricter, more traditional black tie wedding, dress socks are required, and ladies should go for the gown!” Smith adds.
Pope agrees: “I think black-tie optional is courteous to guests who may not own or want to buy a tuxedo or gown for the occasion—but, I do think it ends up looking sloppy. At the end of the day, there tend to be wedding seasons where everyone you know is getting married around the same time, so I think best to have a clear theme, as your guests will likely be shopping for the season anyway.”
When actress and singer Hilary Duff married at her home in L.A. back in December, she took a different approach. “The attire is cocktail,” she told Vogue.com ahead of the wedding. “I think, since it’s the holidays, people will be inspired to dress up a little more. I know some people are wearing gowns, and some people are wearing short dresses, probably most of the men will just be in suits, not tuxes. I think black-tie is a lot of pressure for people...We’re going to be dressed up, but it’s our special day. We didn’t want to put the pressure on people, and we wanted to leave it a little open so guests can be dressier.” When the actress puts it this way, it’s hard to argue—wedding planning rule #1 is that your guests’ comfort is always paramount—when people make a cross-country trip to celebrate you, try not to sweat the small stuff, even if they show up looking less “cocktail chic,” and more “come as you are.”
But back to your dilemma, Dress Code in Denver: Guests always benefit from buying and wearing something classic for an occasion like this. “Men can get away with a very dark suit—rather than a tuxedo—for both black tie and cocktail, so I would suggest a dark navy suit,” Pope says. “For women, it would also be wise to choose something versatile, so perhaps a mid-length dress in solid jewel tone or a pretty print that can be jazzed up or down with accessories as needed.” Looking for specifics? We have a few suggestions for you to scroll through, below.
https://www.vogue.com/slideshow/dear-alex-black-tie-optional-wedding-dress-code
2020-03-13 21:48:08Z
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